No, fuckface. Holler at you

Apparently most men do not understand the issue with "hollering" at women. When I say "hollering," I mean any of the following: whistling, cat-calling, yelling suggestively, that christ-awful tongue through the fingers gesture that makes my skin crawl. You know. Sexual harassment. And men--at least the ones I work with and therefore can poll the most easily--don't see any kind of problem with it.

You want to yell "Sup sexy!" as a woman passes? Congratulations, asshole, you've just made her feel like less of a person.

What you're really doing is telling a woman that she can't be seen out of doors without a male escort.* What you're really doing is reaffirming the fact that, although we like to call this the land of the free, some of us are more free than others.

Sexual harassment is scary. It's a man asserting his perceived dominance over you. As a pedestrians or a cyclist, the threat is even more real. There was a case a few years ago where a woman was nearly run down by an angry driver who hopped the curb when she ignored him. (Oh wait, I take it back. He hit her)

These are our streets, our sidewalks, our spaces too. We should not feel that the only safe way to move in public is head down, eyes on the ground, not daring to look around for fear of making eye contact and "encouraging" this. And on top of being harassed, there's always the threat that we're going to be followed or attacked, no matter how we respond.

So to the kid on the DART who will not leave me be: fucking stop. I know you think you're being sweet and flattering, but all you are is making me feel unsafe. I won't actually tell you to go away and leave me be because I'm worried about retaliation. I have to take that train with you every fucking morning. And you creep the hell out of me.

And to any men out there who may still think that street harassment is okay: it's not. It never has been and it never will be. We are also not flattered. There is nothing uplifting about some dirty smelly man yelling a passing "WHAT'S UP HOT STUFF" from his broken-down car as he goes roaring through the intersection. In fact, we just want to go get ourselves checked out in case STDs have suddenly become airborne. You're filthy, you're gross, and you're threatening. And you make America a little less like America every day.

*Yes, I just referenced the Taliban. Is this the new Godwin's Law? Did I lose?

Fixed gear. No brakes. Can't stop. Don't want to, either.

Full disclosure, I love and adore Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I have since '10 Things I Hate About You' (yes, I loved Heath Ledger too, but that's just kind of weird now). I'm pretty sure JGL can do no wrong and I kind of dig the fact that filming this he went crashing through the back window of a taxi and needed 31 stitches to get put back together. Because whether he's rocking a 3 piece suit or mooning over the most popular girl in school, JGL is a badass.

Treehugger's opinion of this is that it feeds directly into every New Yorker's (any city dweller, really) worst impression that cyclists are "reckless, arrogant, and dangerous". Which I can see their point. At the same time, not everyone who drives an Aston Martin is James Bond (though they're probably dreaming that they are). Not every gravely-voiced Brit is certified in kicking ass and taking names (that's just Jason Statham). And sometimes it's just a goddamn movie.

The bit that gets me though is when his not-Michele Rodriguez buddy thrashes a cab's sideview mirror with what I assume is a chain lock. Because I'm really confused by the logistics. Like, does she ride with the lock in hand, waiting for someone to piss her off? Does she keep it easily accessible so that she can catch up to them in the slow New York traffic and exact her revenge? I asked a buddy of mine who used to live in the city and he confirmed that, yeah, he did dent a hood with his lock, but only once that he'll admit to. I have so wanted to do this so many times but in the vast wasteland that is Texas, the cars have too much room to get going too fast, and there aren't many side streets or alleys I can duck into to shield myself from their wrath.

Also, this "Wilee" character (I mean, seriously? That's what confirms my worst fears about NYC cyclists. They're all a bunch of stupid hipsters with stupid names) talks a big game about fixies, but when he's pulling his hippity-hoppity, Danny MacAskill stunts, that is no fixie. Hell, I'm bike-illiterate and I know that.

A ode to Sunflower Market

This place is the single greatest food store in the entire Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex. No, I have not explored every last one but if anyone has found something better I think my inner foodie might explode. Because Sunflower Market, if you've never been, is quite simply amazing.

For starters:

Full disclosure: I know nothing about their meat.
Bow chika wow wow

Lower left: I know you don't seem them much in Dallas, but that right there friends is a bike rack. It's a glorious offering from an establishment that makes me much more amenable to visiting. That is starting things out on the right foot. Kroger? I lock up to a bench. Albertsons? The handicap sign. Whole Foods? I spend way too much money. I digress.

I love taking pictures of peppers. They are so colorful and shiny.

Do I have any facts about Sunflower? Do I know where they get their produce, how it's grown, how long between when it's picked and when it goes on a shelf? No. Should I? Yes. Does this stop me from enjoying the fresh fresh taste and low low price? Abso-freaking-lutely not. Mmm peaches and bananas and oranges and cucumbers and celery and carrots and grapefruit and grapes and so much utter goodness for so so little. Love.


And for all of us carb-aholics ...

Mmm I love love love their bread. Goes from $2.50 to $3.99 a loaf and while four bucks is getting up there, I can totally handle a two-fiddy. And, for those of us who may or may not be watching our girlish figures, the bread goes around 50 to 60 calories a slice, without losing any taste whatsoever. It is so delicious and I actually read the nutrition label on this one and it's not substitute-this or artificial-that. It's like "organic whole grain wheat flour" "honey" "barley" "oats." And it makes fantastic stove toast.

Yeah, there's a your packaged foods and whatnot. Here is where prices start to get up into Whole Foods territory so I avoid this section when possible. There's the store brand ("Smart Food, Silly Prices") but that doesn't cover everything. I'm cheap as hell, so I eat mainly fresh vegetables without cooking too much because I don't want to spending money on all these kind of crazy things. Also? With some of what you need?

That's right. It comes in barrels. I get a week's worth of groceries for less than $25 and I dig it.

So what it all comes down to is this: Sunflower Market, I love. I worship you with all my heart. If someone wrote a guide book about you I would keep it by my bed and swear all my legal oaths on it. And it will stay that way, until they bring in Trader Joes.

More tips for starting cyclists

11. You can bike in anything. Seriously, you can. You don't need spandex shorts, much less a full kit (that's what it's called, right?). You can cycle in whatever you got in. Shorts are awesome. Pants are cool too, but you might want to roll the right leg to keep it out of your chain. Skirts, dresses? Go for it! But maybe point your knees in, if modesty is a concern.

12. That goes for shoes too. Despite being consistently told that I need "real shoes", I will frequently cycle in flip flops and it's fine. Your feet aren't going to be cursed by the bike fairy (though, to be fair, after a while the pressure under your foot will get uncomfortable). Ballet flats? Just don't let them fall off. Anything that secures to your foot? It's awesome! You sure as shit don't need to go clipless.

13. Bike grease is a part of life. Live it, love it, embrace it. You spend any quality time on a bike, you and whatever you wear will get stained with bike grease. I think the mark on my right calf is permanent at this point. No, I don't know how to get it out of clothes—I wear it as a badge of pride.

13. Brush your damn teeth. And go to the damn dentist. Not related to cycling, you say? Every penny you spend fixing what should have been preventable is a penny you don't get for your bike. Suck on that!

14. Cyclists in Dallas are awesome. As Janice would say, the greatest people you will ever meet. So get on a bike and go meet them.

15. Look out for cars. Because you can't trust them to look out for you. In a battle of bike vs car, the car always wins. You may be in the right (and your family might make a bundle suing the ever-loving pants off the driver) but that doesn't much matter as you're doing your best impression of road kill.

16. Be ready for bruises. You will crash, not an if but a when. It's gonna happen. Whether you're just being a fool or your front tire catches in trolley tracks or you're taken out by a fellow cyclist or (god forbid) you're hit by a car, that bike is at some point going down. It doesn't hurt as bad as you think it will. Usually. So wear a helmet.

17. Be ready to stink. Especially in the summertime, in Texas. Like the bike grease, just embrace it. Jus' let it happen. Or take up smoking. It'll mask the smell some. (is that why so many cyclists smoke?)

18. Learn to fix a flat. Yes I know it's a duplicate. Now that I've done it, I feel like I have the right to post it again.

19. Carry a spare tube. More duplicates, this time for added emphasis. Without one, you are dead in the water. I lost mine (how, I have no idea) and now I feel totally naked. It's like leaving home without my cell phone.

20. You can wear headphones. I finally drank the kool-aid. Used to be I associated cycling and headphones with all things stupid after seeing some 'tard roll by at night, no lights, no helmet, headphones in. But really? I pound out some serious speed with 'Black and Yellow' in my ears and I'm not going to be ashamed of that. And neither should you.

I am the driver my parents warned me about

I don't know how everyone else does it. Gets in their car, battles the horrific Dallas morning traffic, puts in the tedium of your average 9-to-5, gets back in their car, battles the worse Dallas afternoon traffic and somehow does it all without losing their godforsaken minds.

Because I sure as hell can't. I am the worst kind of road-rager. I completely lose it. I am that psychopath ranting and raving in the confines of her car, calling down the wrath of the heaven on anyone else who dares be on the road. I scream, I swear and I am absolutely positive that no one else has any reason whatsoever to be in my way at this very moment and if they don't clear the fuck out I hope they all die in a fiery pit filled with flesh-eating piranhas and angry frickin sea bass with frickin lasers on their frickin heads. 

The biggest mystery is how I haven't popped a vessel by now. It's like I can feel my blood pressure tick higher and higher and higher with every moment I'm stuck in traffic. And I feel like I will do absolutely anything to get out of said traffic. The car that the state of Texas has for some unknown reason seen fit to license me to drive feels transformed into a 3000 pound battering ram. As cyclists we talk about cars as weapons—and if I drove anything larger than a Camry you better the hell believe that's how I'd use mine. I dream about being behind the wheel of a bulldozer and tossing aside everyone in my way, human cargo be damned.

I ride a bike with the idea that every driver is as bad as I am, because that can't possibly be true.

This post has been brought to you by the 5pm 9-car pileup that shut down eastbound 635 this afternoon. Also, by the letters R, A, G and E.

It is definitely still summer

Still a mite warmish

But a beautiful day for a ride, nonetheless. Today's post was going to be a love letter to Sunflower Market but something else cropped up. After a quick out-and-back to the grocery store (and, like, seriously, my week's groceries cost some $21. For the whole week) I rode out to White Rock for some quality time in the saddle.

Out of the frame and off to the right is my little picnic. I packed a blanket, water, grapes and a book and had a pretty little time in the shade by the lake. There were a ton of people out, so it was an exciting little ride. Not a lot of runners, probably on account of the hour and the heat, but nice enough. I started flagging somewhere around mile 20, I'll admit, but I was woefully under-fueled. So now I'm feet up and chowing down. Adore.

How have I lived around White Rock for the vast majority of my life and never realized that the benches were installed with bike racks on the back? Because that is awesome. Well played, White Rock. Well played.

But by far the best part of the ride?

Hopefully she won't mind I post this ...

Looks like I was dead wrong about the new Missoni for Target bikes. I figured they were so, well, gaudy isn't the right word ... audacious? Seemed a little showy and I was worried they wouldn't much appeal to first-time riders. Turns out I was wrong—they only produced 500, and those sold out in less than 4 hours. Apparently this lady was on the computer at some 4:45 am to secure hers, and it does look like it rides pretty. Congrats!

HoLEEE CriMONIE

Wichita Falls Reports 100 Days at 100 Degrees

Good gracious. Suddenly it's an even more appropriate place for the Hotter N Hell (a race I have not done and at this point have no intention of doing)

Dallas hit 70 days at 100 degrees. Austin was somewhere near 80 ish. Texas is in its hottest, driest summer ever and our governor still denies any climate change whatsoever and gutted the fire department. So ... my point? If you were thinking about buying land in Texas, wait till that good-haired monkey is out of office.

On the plus side, we're back into ideal cycling weather!